When a sexy, high-end escort holds the key evidence to a scandalous government cover-up, two bumbling young detectives become her unlikely protectors from a ruthless assassin hired to silence her.
The Andorran hooker and single mother Catalina "Cat" Rona is hired to participate in an orgy in Montenegro with other escorts and powerful men and the American Senator William Krebb. Something goes wrong with the politician and all the girls are murdered by the security of the host to avoid witnesses. However Cat escapes and brings a hard-drive with classified information with her. There is a manhunt for Cat and the cruel assassin Helen Bingham is hired to retrieve the HD and kill Cat. Meanwhile the Americans Julian Simms and Anthony Hester decide to open a detective agency to raise money. When they see on the newspaper that Cat is being chased, they decide to seek her out expecting to receive a reward. However, they cross the path of Helen and they end protecting Cat from the killer. When Helen is betrayed by those who had hired her, she decides to help Anthony, Julian and Cat to retrieve the HD and their freedom.
This is proof that money, gorgeous women, solid acting and beautiful locales cannot overcome a silly, unbelievable story.
The story starts out as a buddy movie with 2 goofy American guys starting a business in Europe. Then, they cross paths with the gorgeous Cat and all hell breaks loose. The focus of the story then changes to another 'bad American govt official in cahoots with ruthless Eastern European arms dealers". And then it gets REALLY silly. And not fun silly. They tried to throw in a few jokes but it is just a muddled mess.
The Un-believability factor is ridiculously high. You'd think that Europeans hear gun shots all of the time and do nothing about it.
But, if there is a reason to see this movie it is Janet McTeer who steals every scene she is in, doing a better impression of Helen Mirren than even Helen Mirren can do. She is cold, ruthless, efficient and believable, to a certain extent.
It started out as a Guy Ritchie type movie, devolves into overblown James Bond type silliness and then the bodies start stacking up like cord wood.
The 2 lowest points are the African American guy doing a Scottish Accent and then later, getting everyone out of a jam by picking up his kilt. Dumb, Dumb, Dumb.
The 2 main guys are very likable but under used, Paz Vega started out as the star but then acts as scenery, not even DL Hughley can save it in the 90 seconds of screen time he gets.
This could have been a good movie. They spent a lot of money making it. They should have spent more time writing it. This movie is under cooked.
Watch it with low expectations. And enjoy the eye candy. That's it. You know how carnies have that knack of making you part with your cash by pretending that they can read your palm or tea leaves? That's what this movie reminds me of. I assume that the script for Cat Run was interpreted from scrunched-up toilet paper after a bout of diarrhea brought on by food poisoning from cheap kebab meat. If you gave mentally subnormal 8-year-olds toy guns and told them to run riot in the back yard they'd come up with a better plot behind the gunplay than whoever was responsible for the script to his breathtakingly abysmal film.
Cat (Paz Vega - who?) is at some political orgy shindig in Eastern Europe when everyone is suddenly killed and she finds herself marked for death and on the lam because "she knows". Many characters come and go over the running time, most of which seem to be occupying their own story as the movie feels very disconnected.
I've seen many poorly edited films in my time, but Cat Run wins the top prize by a million miles. Characters warp through space and time with no coherence or cohesion. Cat Run feels like three separate terrible movies chucked into a blender, fed to pigs, collected as feces, then painted on the screen in brown smears. It is truly, mind-bogglingly, jaw-droppingly, agonizingly terrible.
The worst part of this brain torture is that Cat Run actually thinks it is smart and funny. John Stockwell's "direction" makes you long for the crude, childish eye candy of Michael Bay. It will even make you forgive Guy Richie for all his previous sins. Nothing, but nothing about this drek can possibly be any worse.
Shame on all involved. Who would want this on their resume? If you dropped Cat Run in a public toilet bowl it would regurgitate it back in your face.
You honestly think that there are worse films than this? There's not. At least Tommy Wiseau's The Room had some shred of nobility, no matter house misguided.
Do let this film come within a 100-mile radius of your life. Though John Stockwell's action comedy is shamelessly derivative, his enthusiastic cast propels it much further than it should go. 646f9e108c
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